im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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