oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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