He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
