go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
