The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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