There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
honey bunches of taint.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
