All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
