my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
