miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bring money and cleavage
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
