whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
whose parrot is this?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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