You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
