dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
