some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
