Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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