She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
