It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry about my life...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
