I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
