Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
