just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
