Can i not drive my cunt home
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
