You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
