i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
