Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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