my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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