mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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