are you still at the devil's house?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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