Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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