he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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