I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm at about main and main street
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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