Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
