So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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