We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
