if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
