Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
