for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
