Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
