i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
