Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
