i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
