Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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