So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
