Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
