After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
