Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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