youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
