All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
