Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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