I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
