God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
