Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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