glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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